Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
