I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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