Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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