we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
