Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
