are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
