I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
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Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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