Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
