who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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