Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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