Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
