you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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