guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
