I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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