I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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