girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
