What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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