Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
