Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
