just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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