dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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