We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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