How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
