You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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