Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
