My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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