i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
