I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
