Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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