Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How external is "for external use only"?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
