I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
