feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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