have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
