I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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