I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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