I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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