And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
