Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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