you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
