She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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