Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i will never coherently bang her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
