This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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