so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
