Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
