I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
