he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
