"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
