If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When did angry sex become our thing?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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