Screwed.edu
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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