Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
