$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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