All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
