Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
