If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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