ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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