I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
