I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she looked like the before picture.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
