just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
