I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
