She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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