She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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