There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
