Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
