Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
