Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
