You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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