After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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