I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
