I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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