why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
