Plan B is the new Plan A
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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