i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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