I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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