Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
