I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
