If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
