How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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