Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
