I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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