Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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