do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
