Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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